“Who am I?”
Life is an interesting subject. Scientifically life is the concept of cells forming but humans use the word life for a great many things.
When I usually use the word life, I tend to think in a negative way. “Oh well, That’s life!” is something that I tend to say when depressed. But Life is such a great word for only being four letters!
Well, whatever “life” is, some part of it helped us develop our brains. The brain is called the “Black Box” by doctors and we call it the same in marketing. It is called the Black Box because it is so mysterious. There is no way to completely make sense of a hundred billion neurons firing and sending so many different chemicals to each other. The brain is the most complex organ in the human body and with that complexity comes a whole lot of fascinating “disorders”.
Interestingly enough a few years ago, before going back to school for fashion and marketing, I wanted to go back too school to study neuroscience. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a neurologist but I knew that I wanted to study the brain and make a difference on helping those with brain and memory diseases such as Alzheimer and Parkinson. Though I never went back to school for neuroscience, I did go back to school and I did keep up on the latest information on the brain as well as Psychology.
So why am I going on about the black box as my first post on a bipolar based blog? Is because I tend to look at the brain from the biological point of view that I feel a lot of psychologists forget about. Bipolar is a hybrid disease. Just like stress can lead to heart disease, Stress can lead to brain disorders.
I am not saying that my bipolar disorder is stress induced because it is not and frankly, I would find it offensive to think. Yes, I have had my fair share of stress in my life but I have been able to work through that and become stronger from it. It’s not stress that causes a bipolar black box to swish mood chemicals around like crazy, I believe that the brain and its circadian rhythm is not always on point.
When I am manic, I am a completely different person. I say, do and think things that i would normally wouldn’t. I also over-analyze my manic episodes from a psychological point of view. I work with my therapist and we ask questions like, “Why did you think that the aliens were coming for you?” But that’s just it, Why would I ever think that? My life right now is pretty swell. My biggest stresser is that I am trying to work on some big school assignments like a book and some global marketing things. My moods hit me out of left field. I either suddenly sink into depression or I randomly shoot manic causing me to agree in the issue that Bipolar disorder is not just a Psychiatric disorder, but its also a Neurological disorder and should be treated as such.
I am not who I am when I am manic. My manic self is my Mr. Hyde. Bipolar is hardwired into our brains, it’s no who we are, its how we are a bipolar patients. I have experience with a lot of therapists who don’t believe in bipolar or believe that there are only personality disorders and it frustrated me because looking back, I was not made bipolar. I was born bipolar. Since I could remember (I can remember to 3 years old), I showed signs of Bipolar Disorder.
Through genetics, psychology, and other medical research methods, we have found that bipolar is hereditary. This makes me believe that it is more biological than psychological.
The Black Box is one of the greatest and most fascinating things in my interpretation of Life. Bipolar Disorder is one of the mysteries surrounding it. The brain and nervous system develops our interpretation of life or our sense of reality and gives us a few wild cards along the way. However, I will say that I would not trade my Bipolar Black Box for any other.
Welcome to my crazy bipolar black box driven blog,