I know what your thinking. No, I am not about to talk about alcohol. Although I could really use a drink, I have been trying out the sober life and although its been about 98% successful, I can say that with in Trump’s first one hundred days, I have been sober for 98 of them. But today’s post is mainly about medication and medication compliance. Two things that I have loss absolut (see what I did there) power in.

The last four months or 100 days, I had been going through a rough depression. After not seeing my doctor since August, I had decided to spend an early march morning asking for help. Although, I would have really gone for some medical marijuana, the doc said no and not only upped my Lithium to 1500mg but added on Wellbutrin. The Wellbutrin made me get out of bed in the morning but it also made me start fights. Not even alcohol made me an angry drunk, but the Wellbutrin did. I was starting arguments and I had become extremely irritable. My mood was in this ballistic era where I didn’t know what would happen next.

I explained this to Dr. G and he verified that I had become rapid cycling.  Rapid cycling Bipolar is exactly the best way to describe where I am right now and because of this, my medication is in the same situation.

I try to take my medication religiously but there are two things that happen that make me move into the medication non-compliance route. I either forget to take the meds and/or wake up too late to take them, or I miss my manic self.

For those of you who have Bipolar disorder, you know how great it feels to be manic. I tend to have no addictions in my life except being addicted to mania. The euphoria of a manic episode is the best high that I have ever experienced, and I have experienced a lot of highs.

I went for my Lithium level blood test yesterday and Dr. G emailed me thirty minutes later saying that my levels were low. This morning he emailed again. I explained that I had been taking the Lithium as prescribed. I didn’t explain that I had been all over the place mood wise the last week.

I hate taking medication because with the medication I still get bursts of hypo mania or mania where my brain believes that the meds are trying to control me or that they kill my creativity. I also can’t stand that after all of the medications I have tried, the side effects are all the same. I always get nausea. i always get tired. But more importantly, they make me fat.

After trying everything under the sun, I learned that the sun is the worst drug. There are theories out there that the Sun can cause mania, and to me that seems somewhat true. Though I have found that nothing makes me more manic than the perfect breeze, the sun does make me a little more happier mood wise, though I hate the sun and how it crisps my very pale skin, now that my doctor is emailing me and holding me accountable, I feel I need to be more accountable.

Why is medication such a difficult thing for people suffering from Bipolar disorder?




2 thoughts on “Cocktails

  1. BronxBiPolarChick says:

    Great post … I actually stopped taking the meds for about a month an a half because I felt like my life revolved around taking this pill… and I didn’t like that but I put myself back on because my impulsive actions were going to get me into trouble… my therapist says take the good with the bad m… so yeah I’m trying to be a good girl lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. shatteredwishes says:

    Great post. I have been dealing with Bipolar a LONG TIME, most of it being with me being non-compliant. I miss the mania high, there is nothing like it. If there was some way to harness it, tap into it, make it so that we DON’T go over the edge and into the hospital would be great. Doctors just want to keep you “down,” and I absolutely hate being in that place. That complacent place where you’re “just like everybody else.” Well everybody else sucks and I want to be manic. I did gain weight, I did get fat, and I became suicidal last night. Is this what doctors want?

    Liked by 1 person

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